When your lover pulls away from you, you’re not the only one who feels puzzled. If the physical and emotional connection has been severed for a period, it may be challenging to understand what they are thinking and experiencing. Our first reaction when a spouse distances themselves is to try to bring them back. When they think their partner is going, I’ve seen both men and women act in this manner. However, most of the time when someone pulls away, it indicates they need more room. We typically get nervous when we let our anxiety take control of our activities; anxiety leads us to attempt and control things in order to prevent a dreaded consequence. When this happens, we try to manage the situation by attempting to bring them in because we are afraid of losing our companion. Unfortunately, this frequently has the opposite effect and simply serves to drive our partner away, which increases our level of dread and our need to exert more control. This frequently leads to an unhappy downward spiral. We all have a fear of the unknown, so if our spouse isn’t telling us what’s wrong, our minds automatically jump to the worst-case scenarios even though this is frequently not the case.