A conversation with comedian Filfilu

The idea of self-compassion is very straightforward: When you’re having a hard time, treat yourself the way you would treat a good friend. Most of us have this strange tendency to criticize and berate ourselves excessively whenever we make a mistake. Which is ironic because when other people make mistakes, we’re typically incredibly forgiving and understanding. Unfortunately, the “secret” to success and happiness in life is to be hard on yourself, as most of us discovered growing up. We mistakenly believe that being tough on ourselves will keep us from failing, much like the tough drill sergeant yelling at his new recruits. But that’s not really the case…
Most people achieve success despite, not as a result of, their negative self-talk. In fact, if people would stop criticizing themselves for every mistake or failure, they would be far more productive and happier. Because punishing yourself for making a mistake only serves to exacerbate the already painful emotion and stress that comes with making mistakes. Self-judgment only intensifies difficult emotions and frequently triggers mood swings and excruciating feelings. Learn to practice self-compassion rather than self-judgment if you want to prevent these peaks and valleys of painful emotion and instead become more emotionally resilient. Learning more effective ways to handle challenging emotions and moods in order to prevent uncontrollable outbursts is a key component of developing emotional strength. However, there are times when the negative emotions are unavoidable: No matter how self-compassionate you are, making mistakes still hurts and will probably result in some sense of guilt or shame. Even if you are self-aware of your painful emotions, it still hurts when they appear unexpectedly.

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