Shower him with praise and well-meaning remarks that are frequently implied rather than said. Your encouragement is an opportunity to help someone feel better about themselves by demonstrating your genuine support when they fail or are just depressed or insecure. Having your partner constantly remind you of your greatness—both in good and terrible times—is a blessing of being in a couple. When two people first start dating, everything is novel and thrilling. They choose to ignore the minor annoyances that the other person does and maybe hold onto the hope that all flaws will eventually be fixed. If you have irrational expectations about what the other person “will become” or how perfect the relationship should be, it will always end badly. Strong bonds are built on a foundation of shared ideals and love and require constant work. The idea behind searching for similarities is that you won’t run into issues if you have things in common. But every marriage experiences issues at some point in their lives. Thus, the only kind of similarity that counts for long-lasting relationships is in what scientists refer to as “meta-emotions.” Finding someone who handles conflict in a similar way should be your primary focus in long-term relationships, rather than obsessing about traits that lessen the risk of conflict. Selecting a partner entails selecting a group of issues. There isn’t a spouse with whom we won’t argue, become irritated, and voice complaints. How you handle those issues is the question.
