Be strict with the issue, not the people. Recognise that obeying is not the same as acknowledging and listening. Employ “I” statements. err on the side of caution. Have uncomfortable discussions in real time. Keep the dialogue continuing. Life is a conversation. “Would I rather be happy or right?” is a question you should ask yourself. Be approachable. Be strict with the issue, not the people. You can alter the dynamic of a combat by altering its nature. Quit hurling insults at people in debates. As your relationship ends, using blame, shame, or guilt to persuade your partner to do anything will become less effective because you will both stop making the small accommodations you used to make for one another. For instance, “If you’d only earned more money while we were married, we wouldn’t have to think about selling our house” is much less effective than “Whether or not to sell our house is a tough decision; we both have a lot of work to do, and I would like to work together to figure this out.” You run the risk of having the disagreement take over your life if you don’t maintain the issue apart from your relationship. When two stakeholders in a partnership are at odds, they may project, deny, and shift responsibility in addition to saying and doing all kinds of crazy things. Your problem is not being solved by any of this theatrics.
