Kalkidan’s mother tried her best to let them work it out

It’s all been said before, so there’s probably nothing new I can tell you. But I thought I’d repeat some of it to make sure you were aware of the truth regarding marital (and long-term relationship) conflicts. This is from the outstanding online self-help book Psychological Self-Help (the original one, not the bastardized version that appears elsewhere online).
Numerous researchers (such as Christensen & Jacobson, 2000) concur that most marital conflicts and arguments can be resolved amicably. The issue is that as relationships and marriages deteriorate into arguments, conversations become laced with criticism and unspoken expectations of one another. Instead of expecting the other person in the relationship to change, we expect them to change themselves. In the majority of their conversations, the wife observes signs of her husband’s withholding and withdrawing if she believes he never expresses his thoughts or feelings. In every interaction, he notices more and more of her negativity if he believes “she criticizes me constantly” (and probably withdraws). Christensen & Jacobson urge the couple to think about a different option rather than allowing the situation to worsen and fuel further resentment, namely learning to tolerate or accept the partner’s faults and their disappointment in the relationship, realizing (if it is true) that the partner’s annoying trait is, in fact, a minor factor in comparison to the positive aspects of the marriage. Remember that imperfect relationships do not exist, so you must learn to accept that all relationships have some flaws, shortcomings, selfishness, unsettling attitudes or beliefs, or other issues.

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