A large portion of advice that advocates for action to promote romance is successful because it promotes the act of loving rather than the state of being in love, which is more fulfilling for both the lover and the loved one. The state of being in love is passive and quickly turns into an internalized fantasy about being in love, which eventually takes the place of actual love. The act of loving entails behaviors that maintain the life and vitality of a close relationship, such as providing emotional and physical affection, expressing tenderness, compassion, and sensitivity to your partner’s needs, engaging in shared interests and activities, and maintaining honest exchanges of private thoughts and feelings. It may seem like a romantic notion to regard your loved one as your soulmate, your missing piece, your better half. However, this kind of imagined fusion destroys romance. It is impossible to feel romantic without the awareness that you and your partner are each a distinct and unique individual. That is why you need to regard yourself as a whole person and be sure you’re not looking for someone to complete your incompleteness or to define or affirm you.
