We all long for those intimate moments that melt our hearts; connection is vital to both us and our kids, as it is what makes parenting worthwhile; it is also the only way kids will voluntarily obey our rules. Children who feel highly connected to their parents WANT to cooperate, if they can; they will still act like kids, which means their emotions will occasionally overpower their developing prefrontal cortex, but when they trust us to understand, to stand by them, they are driven to follow our lead when they can. To maintain the health of any relationship, we need five positive interactions for every negative one. Spend a few minutes cuddling with your youngster in the morning and at night. Give each other hugs before you go, when you’re reunited, and frequently in between. Brush shoulders, pat backs, and tousle hair. Establish eye contact and smile; this is an alternative form of contact. Recognize that you need to ease into a relationship with older children if your tween or teen rejects your advances the moment she arrives through the door. Set her up with a refreshing beverage and engage in conversation while massaging her feet. (Seems like exceeding expectations? It’s a reliable method of learning what transpired in her life today. Setting that as your top priority will make you happy many times over.)
