In general, romantic relationships suffer from infatuation—imagine a brilliant flame that burns fiercely but rapidly goes out. Why? Because the breach of our irrational expectations strikes us hard when the object of our adoration inevitably does something to burst the bubble of perfection in which we’ve placed them. Furthermore, falling in love can make you miss crucial “red flags” that indicate this person isn’t the perfect one for you in the long term. Sincere feelings of love and connection are far stronger indicators of a successful relationship than infatuation. This, in my opinion, is the case because genuine love can only be developed when a person possesses the three qualities that make a good, long-lasting relationship: emotional maturity, vulnerability, and compatibility. While it’s customary for you both to be on your “best behavior” in the early days of dating, genuine love also demands a certain amount of discernment on your part—a desire to “see” the full person in front of you. When you’re dating someone new, or even when you find yourself in a longer-term relationship that includes a lot of ups and downs, be interested about yourself and the thoughts.
