I was thinking about my mother the other day and lamenting all the occasions I didn’t treat her with the warmth and generosity I should have. Of course, there have been a number of significant instances throughout the years that now make me shudder, but what irritates me the most is actually rather insignificant. My mother had a tendency of calling at the worst time of day—dinner time—when I had little children. I took her calls rather than informing her right away that this was my tear-jerk moment and that she could call me again later. She would ring at this specific time of day, and I would either snap at her or respond with brief, monosyllabic responses. The majority of us are not trained to say exactly what we mean. We are taught the art of “people pleasing” from an early age, which includes saying yes even when we mean no, refraining from saying anything offensive, and lowering our level of directness in case it comes out as being thoughtful or haughty. However, there are some compelling arguments for trying to unlearn those early lessons right now and voicing your views without hesitation. Have you ever left a conversation feeling like you could hit your skull with a hammer because you were so upset that you didn’t say what you meant? The truth is that suppressing your true feelings can be equivalent to pressing the button for self-destruction.
